i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
4 words: hood of his car
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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