i think i have herpe
just one?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Randomize
