I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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