After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
