SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
