just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize