Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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