I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
