Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
