arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
