kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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