I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
