Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
