4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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