I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
