I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
