I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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