My nipple is on Facebook.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
