Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i just google imaged poop.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
