I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
