i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i just made my gag reflex go away.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
