Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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