I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
