I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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