Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize