Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
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