Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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