i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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