What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
