Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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