I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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