I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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