I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
