we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
