it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
