you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
