we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
