"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She's the barista slut.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
