it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
