She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
