I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
