I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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