i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
