TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
