Nicole vs. Life
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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