im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
