Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
and you fell through a lawn chair
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
