Just fell off a train. Bad.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
True strength comes from lack of pants
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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