You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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