I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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