I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
