You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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