the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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