It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize