I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
we're making bets on your personal life
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
