you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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