last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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