Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
