You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
