there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
