dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
