Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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