so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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