i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize