Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
