Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
