I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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