Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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