Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
