I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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