By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize