mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
