This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Come see our sink grown plant.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
