Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
