I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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