never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
