Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
