We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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