I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
