Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
