Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
