She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
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