...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
