Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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