I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
