a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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