Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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