my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize