wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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