went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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