so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
