Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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