i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
