I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
