i think my mom watched the whole time
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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