He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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