she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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